THEN11t0526

(if by any chance you missed the beginning of the greatest event of 2011, you can start reading it here, where the first lerrnstory starts)

it may happen from time to time, this sensation of loss.
it could be a sensation of losing something, or worst, a sensation of losing someone.
but from time to time it may happen a sensation of losing a sensation. this sensation, the exact sensation of losing a sensation, is probably the worst that may happen. youtch have another sensation, but instead of having the feeling youtch expect, youtch have precisely the feeling of not having a feeling.
losing something, losing someone.
youtch can’t compare a sensation of losing someone with the sensation of losing a feeling. losing someone means losing a sum of possible feelings, even though it means the accumulation of potential feelings preserved in memory.
that’s why the loss of one feeling means nothing compared with the loss of someone, even if youtch don’t know very well the person and youtch know perfectly well the feeling you miss.
it may happen from time to time, this sensation of loss.
particularly when everything is mixed, focus is needed. focus on something, focus on someone, focus on a feeling. without being able to focus, everything becomes more confusing, the world is vaste, we are so powerful, we are so little.
from time to time…
we need to go back to this place.
a restart is possible, we can find a path and flow through it, combining the path itself, like if the path means a journey, and adding to the journey itself we consider the feelings the path offers while we flow through it. and flowing, and going back to the beginning and starting to flow again, we are surfing on the waves of the vaste ocean, and during a particular wave we stop flowing and only the body goes with the wave, the mind stops miles away, thinking on the ocean, what ocean is it, what wave is it, where are all this droplets of water going, finding a beach somewhere where to lay and go back, or continuously trying to find another ocean, never touching land, never stopping, never decreasing volume or speed, only trying to find different waves and crossing them, finding new sensations, and after all where are we all going, specifically myself i left my body on the other side, the wave is already finished and my body is taking a drink while seated, looking at the vaste ocean.
i am glad z3b called me last night. i still keep him in my thoughts, thinking about that child who’s going to be born i don’t know when. y7s is in my mind also, and i don’t know nothing about her lately.
but at least one of them called me. we are in touch. sooner or later i am going to make that question i am keeping only to myself: “the child is already born”. there’s the second immediate question: “everything’s fine”.
two questions i keep only for myself.
for now, as in all communications, he told me “everything’s fine” and i believe it is. i tell him the same, everything’s fine, even though he has given me an important mission and i don’t have any mission for years.
i don’t want to go inside any mission, you know?
i told him, but he didn’t listen to me. he told me everyone is in this mission, we can’t continue to think some of us need to do something, others don’t. it only works if everyone is available. he told me about focus.
and i came to this place. this is the place where i can do my surveillance from above. from here, with a drink on my side, i can perfectly do my job, becoming prepared to the mission.
the sound comes from inside and the music is good. i can’t tell youtch who’s singing, there was a time i knew almost every singer, almost every song. not anymore. i hear the same song several times until i know i don’t know nothing about that song.
and i go to my memories to make the first definition to the mission i am fully responsible about. no one else knows about it but myself. no one else. does it mean i invented the mission? probably. have i received that message from z3b? have i effectively talked to him? is it real? i am not a child anymore, am i? is it possible when we become older we think more about reality than when we are young, or is it the opposite? imagination is child thing.
imagination.
if i don’t know if the call is true, how can i know i am not a child? i can doubt about everything. who is going to say i am wrong? the one i create to tell me i am wrong?

(you may follow this story here)

THEN11t0519

(if by any chance you missed the beginning of the greatest event of 2011, you can start reading it here, where the first lerrnstory starts)

shotguns and cars. vehicles running fast, blood everywhere. sex. a few laughs here and there.
one hour and half of action, an american movie was made.
and a chapter was completed.
now that i was capable of increasing the audience, let’s continue with the amazing lerrnstory1.
following a random process, there is a good chance we can find x0p. he is the only one capable of going there.
he really is capable of going there.
but there are other options available.
what options do you see?
we could tell him everything is ok, and no one would go there.
you know perfectly well you can’t tell that to him. he finds your deepest idea.
i know that, but that’s our only choice. if he goes there, he may never return.
when was the last time he left his private room?
i have no idea, my records report the time he was going everywhere, about 10 years ago.
but he still is able to go, right?
i have no information otherwise.
health?
inside the room, perfect.
outside?
no information. but i can assure you he can go out on an electric chair.
eyes on eyes, the expression electric chair still had the negative meaning of the old days. but now it meant an electric vehicle, autonomous, just one person. the name was created to eliminate the philosophic approach of death as a reaction to criminal activity. youtch know we don’t use electricity anymore. but the term is still used to explain the autonomous one person vehicle. no definition for handicapped. it is not an handicapped vehicle. it is an autonomous one person vehicle. prepared to attach to other vehicles, we can make a vehicle for 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 8, 9, 10, 11, …, i never understood why our ancestors decided to eliminate the possibility of 7 person vehicles, it must be a joke, otherwise why not? it’s a number as good as the others, but i have tried to connect once and the system was telling me all the time “7 not allowed” “7 not allowed” and i had to find someone to complete an 8 person vehicle.
you mean, you can’t assure he is able to go out on his own feet.
that’s right, i can’t assure that, but he can do it without my permission, as you perfectly know.
but you know him, he doesn’t go anywhere if you don’t create a law for that first.
i know that.
what are we going to do?
don’t tell him about going, i am going there instead.
you can’t go there, it is too dangerous for you.
don’t make me laugh, i know he is our best man, but i can do it also, i prepared him, do you remember?
i remember, but, when was the last time you made an activity?
i know what you mean, you’re not mentioning eating and drinking. neither dressing. you really mean an activity.
that’s right, that’s what i mean.
but i still remember how it is done.
nope, z3b, it could be a nice idea, but i still prefer to let x0p go there, no matter how dangerous it can be. considering the need of having it done, x0p is the perfect option, 5 years ago i would accept you to go on the mission, but not now anymore.
ok, let’s go find him.
why don’t you try here?

(you may follow this story here)

THEN11t0505

(if by any chance you missed the beginning of the greatest event of 2011, you can start reading it here, where the first lerrnstory starts)

And i catch youtch off guard, missing the reading that fascinates youtch, steeped in the words that absorb the space and time youtch have to go out, to look out the window.
i wake youtch up of this dream in which youtch dip by asking youtch an opinion. and youtch, now awake, youtch are sincere and with a sweet and wide smile youtch give me what i asked.
youtch still smile and i give youtch back the smile.
youtch still smile and i give youtch back the smile.
i embarrass myself. why do youtch keep that smile?
i touch youtch in the face. your cheek does not respond as i expected. your skin does not sag under my pressure. youtch limit yourself to keep the smile, your eyes look through me for an horizon i don’t know, and youtch don’t see me, and i don’t know youtch either.
i look at a statue. your skin does not sag like if it was made of stone. does not sag, like a statue. but my hand, which stays in your face, has not diminished its heat, as would happen if your face was made of stone.
if your face was made of stone, you'd be a statue, but in reality i look to half statue, or two thirds of statue if we understand from the statue the characteristics of stiffness and silence, but you lack the cold that should be present at this time, not being the sun warming you up where i touch you, should i feel in the palm of the hand the difference in temperature of our bodies.
i speak of bodies because i do not know how to call youtch. should be by your name, i could do it a few moments ago, but now i can not designate youtch by your name. your name is dear to me, but what youtch are now, or what you are not, unknown, i can’t connect your name to the body-statue which now youtch embody (statuody?).
i don’t just touch youtch in the face, i try other areas that respond to my touch, not even where i was sure youtch would give me a signal i am successful, all i can do is to give up, we were talking and suddenly it was finished, you finished, i lost youtch, seeing youtch, touching youtch.
i look out the window. i Come closer.
i look out the window.
i see a lake that mirrors emotions.
i turn around waiting for something new, i want to wake up and go back to pronounce your name.
but youtch aren’t anymore in the two-thirds of the statue.
sorry, but i don’t know what else i can do, i am going to walk out that door and try to understand what happened. if it was the world that stopped or it was only youtch. or it was only me.
youtch are where youtch are and i am where i am. youtch know short moments can be long. they are beautiful opportunities.
and now, now i want to dance, dance, just dance, and an hour is gone.
and the words are gone, everything’s gone like if it was the wind, everything goes, but never, the look of your eyes.
and i, still dancing, go to a place where i can eat an appetizer and drink a glass of wine, and there, seated at the table, can watch the amazing view to the lake. she walked away not seeing me. i ask for her name. i don’t know what she told me, but i liked what i heard. just the smile i keep. while she kept smiling peacefully to me, i could see her eyes, the face and the hair, i caressed the mind with her image, i became young and passionate and romantic again.
and waking up from the chair where i am, the lake goes away of my horizon, the horizon is the ship of a few days ago, that one i told you about, places allowing people to walk over the water, and with the sun behind, that vessel i mentioned is still there, like a 3d movie where two stories are told at the same time, and thinking of it it’s more than two stories, so many stories are mixed in the same story we can’t count them, but then again they are mixed because they are not new stories, all the stories become the same, all of them remind me the first one.
how the first galaxy was created.
who cares?
the first galaxy. let’s ask to the carbon if it can tell us which one is the first. for that, someone must tell us how to differenciate a galaxy from the others. where is the dna of the galaxy, how can we distinguish one galaxy from the other being certain where we are.
and that, that is being done. youtch see the map of the world and youtch can say, with no doubt, the river that crosses your region is the same that passed 100 years ago, or not, and that's because exists the possible not this idea is true. but that little place where youtch jumped once, and swimmed to the other side, that precise one where youtch kissed your first time, is it still there? is it?
or is it one meter away? the leaf youtch see there, that bush youtch see now is the same, but on the other side youtch can see another one. now there are two, not the same one youtch remember. and if that one youtch still remember is still there, it is already a reason to be happy.
now, with that in mind, let’s map the galaxy. let’s just forget the other ones, we live on this one. the stars youtch can see youtch already can count, are exactly on the precise place, from the bush where youtch kissed your first time and where youtch looked and saw that little star youtch still remember and youtch still can see when you decide to look at the sky.

(you may follow this story here)