THEN11t0526

(if by any chance you missed the beginning of the greatest event of 2011, you can start reading it here, where the first lerrnstory starts)

it may happen from time to time, this sensation of loss.
it could be a sensation of losing something, or worst, a sensation of losing someone.
but from time to time it may happen a sensation of losing a sensation. this sensation, the exact sensation of losing a sensation, is probably the worst that may happen. youtch have another sensation, but instead of having the feeling youtch expect, youtch have precisely the feeling of not having a feeling.
losing something, losing someone.
youtch can’t compare a sensation of losing someone with the sensation of losing a feeling. losing someone means losing a sum of possible feelings, even though it means the accumulation of potential feelings preserved in memory.
that’s why the loss of one feeling means nothing compared with the loss of someone, even if youtch don’t know very well the person and youtch know perfectly well the feeling you miss.
it may happen from time to time, this sensation of loss.
particularly when everything is mixed, focus is needed. focus on something, focus on someone, focus on a feeling. without being able to focus, everything becomes more confusing, the world is vaste, we are so powerful, we are so little.
from time to time…
we need to go back to this place.
a restart is possible, we can find a path and flow through it, combining the path itself, like if the path means a journey, and adding to the journey itself we consider the feelings the path offers while we flow through it. and flowing, and going back to the beginning and starting to flow again, we are surfing on the waves of the vaste ocean, and during a particular wave we stop flowing and only the body goes with the wave, the mind stops miles away, thinking on the ocean, what ocean is it, what wave is it, where are all this droplets of water going, finding a beach somewhere where to lay and go back, or continuously trying to find another ocean, never touching land, never stopping, never decreasing volume or speed, only trying to find different waves and crossing them, finding new sensations, and after all where are we all going, specifically myself i left my body on the other side, the wave is already finished and my body is taking a drink while seated, looking at the vaste ocean.
i am glad z3b called me last night. i still keep him in my thoughts, thinking about that child who’s going to be born i don’t know when. y7s is in my mind also, and i don’t know nothing about her lately.
but at least one of them called me. we are in touch. sooner or later i am going to make that question i am keeping only to myself: “the child is already born”. there’s the second immediate question: “everything’s fine”.
two questions i keep only for myself.
for now, as in all communications, he told me “everything’s fine” and i believe it is. i tell him the same, everything’s fine, even though he has given me an important mission and i don’t have any mission for years.
i don’t want to go inside any mission, you know?
i told him, but he didn’t listen to me. he told me everyone is in this mission, we can’t continue to think some of us need to do something, others don’t. it only works if everyone is available. he told me about focus.
and i came to this place. this is the place where i can do my surveillance from above. from here, with a drink on my side, i can perfectly do my job, becoming prepared to the mission.
the sound comes from inside and the music is good. i can’t tell youtch who’s singing, there was a time i knew almost every singer, almost every song. not anymore. i hear the same song several times until i know i don’t know nothing about that song.
and i go to my memories to make the first definition to the mission i am fully responsible about. no one else knows about it but myself. no one else. does it mean i invented the mission? probably. have i received that message from z3b? have i effectively talked to him? is it real? i am not a child anymore, am i? is it possible when we become older we think more about reality than when we are young, or is it the opposite? imagination is child thing.
imagination.
if i don’t know if the call is true, how can i know i am not a child? i can doubt about everything. who is going to say i am wrong? the one i create to tell me i am wrong?

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