THEN11t0929

(if by any chance you missed the beginning of the greatest event of 2011, you can start reading it here, where the first lerrnstory starts)

here i am, trying to show all my diplomatic capabilities to explain what is completely unexplainable.
last week i tried to report how x0p is doing on this galaxy. i have received a few informations, it seems he's perfectly well and improving. but news about what's happening, that is becoming a little more complicate. he seems to use all his informations to himself.
not completely bizarre, we live in a galaxy where information is vital. but to be true, no information is really important if not shared. the most difficult to work on is the way information is indexed. we can't ever produce information and index it on the same time. or can we? i can't, but x0p can. that's why i can't continue to tell youtch more about x0p. x0p is more capable to produce information about me than i am ever capable to introduce x0p to youtch.
and the same is happening about joe. when i am describing x0p and their friends, i can't follow joe. when i am following joe to describe his adventures, i can't understand x0p and to be true, following one after the other, time is missing to me to do what i must do.
what do i do? ah! if i knew. first of all, i follow x0p and joe and all of their friends. and i write about them. but if i had writing capabilities i would write what i imagine, but providing my lack of imagination i can't do it and i need to perform investigation and then come back to this place, where i can write.
and time.
always time around us.
there is an important issue i would like to give more attention: the time we lose doing different things looking for a result which obviously could be done easily considering other aspects we always miss.
like writing about the reasons why i don't write. but that is precisely a completely different perspective, not in the argument right now.
i have a list:
- breathe pure air
- eat natural products
- be sober
- drink water between meals
- be clean
- control passions
- not to be lazy
- rest as needed
- dress loose clothes
- be happy
- keep a correct posture

that is the right way to save the world? why not?

THEN11t0915

(if by any chance you missed the beginning of the greatest event of 2011, you can start reading it here, where the first lerrnstory starts)

probably, everything is knowledge. ideas, subtle, are capable to transcend themselves, and youtch find yourself looking to an idea, thinking if youtch are the owner of the idea or otherwise, the idea as taken youtch.
probably, there are no answers on ownership, properties are a social way to express possession, when we all know we can't ever possess anything, not even ourselves.
in the world of probabilities, we never know the path, what best way to find a way, we have taken probabilities to express a world we don't understand, and the world doesn't understand us either.
the world always understands us because we are part of the world.
if we are the world, the world is us.
we are the world. ah! that's music, do youtch remember?
what better way to express our world but to consider the convergence on music. except for the ones that can't hear. the ones of us unable to hear, aren't able either to hear the expressions of frustration, dispair, screams, and the noise coming from cars, elevators, industries, tractors...
the silent scream flowing around us. the noisy silence.
where are youtch going?
noone knows. i don't know. i never know where i am going. and yet, i accomplish a path made every day the same way.
i know perfectly well where i am going. right now i am going to lunch. buy some flowers. the ones that remember me old promises.
promises.
why do we still promise? what promises are good enough to keep and which are not enough precious? can we make a rank on the priority of promises?
and what is a promise.
i never know anything.
i am listening a cd where a story is being narrated. i don't like it. the first thing to do is to throw it away. or maybe not. maybe it can be useful to someone, someone who has a cd player and is not able to read the book. that's the best idea. let's see who wants this story. up to now, i've been enjoying very much, but why do i hear a story if i can read it myself?

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THEN11t0901

(if by any chance you missed the beginning of the greatest event of 2011, you can start reading it here, where the first lerrnstory starts)

wait. so many words have been said until this moment, and youtch don't know what kind of land is surrounding us. i know, youtch know. but some of youtch may not know, particularly some of youtch not yet born, reading this story many years after being written. first, it was written on the date mentioned in the head. youtch may not unterstand the meaning of THEN, so i remind you: Think of Humanity and Environment Now. 11 is the date, not exactly the date youtch may know, it refers to an outdated way to refer time considering Jesus as a reference. it is a lovely ancestral way of defining time: 2011 aC meaning 2011 years after Christ was born, simply transformed into 11. 11 of 2011. then youtch find a t. t of the, or time, wherever youtch prefer. to me, it is simply t. and then again a month and a day, today it is first of september, so, 0901 (september is 09, first is 01).
explained.
what do i see? exactly what youtch see if you live in the same moment of time, and the same place. i see, around me, lions. i like to see lions around me. and elephants, big elephants without teeth, mammoths, eagles, remembering discussions of the old days, it seems i live in a free zoo, where every kind of animal lives in the city like living in the jungle, but if youtch remember the stories we hear from our grandfathers, when they used to go walk in a zoo, animals were inside prisons, and we were outside, and signs were to tell us not to feed them. i can't imagine how difficult it was for animals to live in their jails, right now i am caressing a lion and it licks my nose.
let me explain a little more. maybe youtch don't know. these lions are not the lions our grandfathers used to mention. i don't know if youtch still know where exist wild lions, these lions living around me are vegetarian, most of them have no teeth because generations of spinach and fruit made teeth unuseful to them.
horses, so many horses jumping around.
and the trees are beautiful. i don't know what kind of styles do youtch use in your world, on my side of the world abstract pictures are drawn in the shell of the trees, bushes are painted with red, and yellow, magenta, green, not too green or brown, the usual color as background. i am turning around 360 degrees and i count 363 trees, only two of them are still not painted, all the others have some color, some drawing, some style, something that reminds they are not simple trees, they have something provided by someone, definitely not something the tree could make to itself, or another tree could do to one another.
and i rest my case for now. i haven't mentioned where i live but youtch already know it somehow. i live inside my suit and i don't need anything else, but even so we built walls around us, every person is owner of 7 walls everytime. between trees, where every person and every animal can walk, walls are disposed in a way i can have my personal space, even if someone goes inside my walls. between my walls, youtch can walk inside my walls and i decide if you see me, or the others, or noone. every 7 walls are flagged, i can only have 7 walls at a time, but if i leave my walls and someone else goes inside, i change my walls with this person, or with another, and there is never noone without 7 walls to itself.
but youtch already know that. youtch think why do i lose time explaining this, but i need to do it, i am making an effort to use language even if repeating myself so often.
i lose myself inside my walls, i lose myself with lions and elephants. i love elephants. gigantic creatures walking slowly, sometimes they break a wall without having the perception they are doing it. a huge noise we hear but no danger after all, it's just bricks immediately rebuilt without any further problem.
and in this peaceful environment, there is always a river, flowing around, with ramifications going to every place, no 7 walls are disconected with a river with animals in it also, beautiful creatures swimming and playing in the water and there, with my feet inside, i sleep for a while, while some fish kiss my feet and i dream.

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THEN11t0825

(if by any chance you missed the beginning of the greatest event of 2011, you can start reading it here, where the first lerrnstory starts)

the movie starts ---
--- pop corn pop corn popcorn popcorn pop corn pop corn popcorn popcorn pop corn pop corn popcorn popcorn pocporn pop corn pop corn popcorn popcorn pop corn pop corn popcorn popcorn pop corn pop corn popcorn popcorn pocporn pop corn pop corn popcorn popcorn pop corn pop corn popcorn popcorn pop corn pop corn popcorn popcorn pocporn pop corn pop corn popcorn popcorn pop corn pop corn popcorn popcorn pop corn pop corn popcorn popcorn pocporn pop corn pop corn popcorn popcorn pop corn pop corn popcorn popcorn pop corn pop corn popcorn popcorn pocporn pop corn pop corn popcorn popcorn pop corn pop corn popcorn popcorn pop corn pop corn popcorn popcorn pocporn pop corn pop corn popcorn popcorn pop corn pop corn popcorn popcorn pop corn pop corn popcorn popcorn pocporn pop corn pop corn popcorn popcorn pop corn pop corn popcorn popcorn pop corn pop corn pop corn pop corn popcorn popcorn pop corn pop corn popcorn popcorn pop corn pop corn popcorn popcorn pocporn pop corn pop corn popcorn popcorn pop corn pop corn popcorn popcorn pop corn pop corn popcorn popcorn pocporn pop corn pop corn popcorn popcorn pop corn pop corn popcorn popcorn pop corn pop corn popcorn popcorn pocporn pop corn pop corn popcorn popcorn pop corn pop corn popcorn popcorn pop corn pop corn popcorn popcorn pocporn pop corn pop corn popcorn popcorn pop corn pop corn popcorn popcorn pop corn pop corn popcorn popcorn pocporn pop corn pop corn popcorn popcorn pop corn pop corn popcorn popcorn pop corn pop corn popcorn popcorn pocporn pop corn pop corn popcorn popcorn pop corn pop corn popcorn popcorn pop corn pop corn popcorn popcorn pocporn pop corn pop corn popcorn popcorn pop corn pop corn popcorn popcorn pop corn pop corn popcorn popcorn pocporn pop corn pop corn popcorn popcorn pop corn pop corn popcorn popcorn pop corn pop corn popcorn popcorn pocporn popcorn popcorn ---
--- intermission ---
---
--- pop corn pop corn popcorn popcorn pop corn pop corn popcorn popcorn pop corn pop corn popcorn popcorn pocporn pop corn pop corn popcorn popcorn pop corn pop corn popcorn popcorn pop corn pop corn popcorn popcorn pocporn pop corn pop corn popcorn popcorn pop corn pop corn popcorn popcorn pop corn pop corn popcorn popcorn pocporn pop corn pop corn popcorn popcorn pop corn pop corn popcorn popcorn pop corn pop corn popcorn popcorn pocporn pop corn pop corn popcorn popcorn pop corn pop corn popcorn popcorn pop corn pop corn popcorn popcorn pocporn pop corn pop corn popcorn popcorn pop corn pop corn popcorn popcorn pop corn pop corn popcorn popcorn pocporn pop corn pop corn popcorn popcorn pop corn pop corn popcorn popcorn pop corn pop corn popcorn popcorn pocporn pop corn pop corn popcorn popcorn pop corn pop corn popcorn popcorn pop corn pop corn popcorn popcorn pocporn pop corn pop corn popcorn popcorn pop corn pop corn popcorn popcorn pop corn pop corn popcorn popcorn pocporn pop corn pop corn popcorn popcorn pop corn pop corn popcorn popcorn pop corn pop corn popcorn popcorn pocporn pop corn pop corn popcorn popcorn pop corn pop corn popcorn popcorn pop corn pop corn popcorn popcorn pocporn pop corn pop corn popcorn popcorn pop corn pop corn popcorn popcorn pop corn pop corn popcorn popcorn pocporn pop corn pop corn popcorn popcorn pop corn pop corn popcorn popcorn pop corn pop corn popcorn popcorn pocporn pop corn pop corn popcorn popcorn pop corn pop corn popcorn popcorn pop corn pop corn popcorn popcorn pocporn pop corn pop corn popcorn popcorn pop corn pop corn popcorn popcorn pop corn pop corn popcorn popcorn ---
--- the end.
what a strange feeling, obsessed with popcorn, i can't think about anything else

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THEN11t0818

(if by any chance you missed the beginning of the greatest event of 2011, you can start reading it here, where the first lerrnstory starts)

y7s is not with me now, they're lost now somewhere in the world, and i think on them. where are they? are they well? when are we going to see each other? good question, not interesting really, they are in the palm of my hand, thinking on them and there they are, today i would rather be alone and they never leave me, what happened to those sweet days between the woods, the snow falling silently, or the sun breaking some fog, shining over our heads, and silence, just silence, and silence, and silence, just a little bird there trying to find something to eat, just a little snake rolling in the floor, snakes are usually unfriendly and yet, for some reason now i think on them and i remember this text happened a few months ago, to be honest i am not remembering now, i know perfectly well the text is the same, i simply picked it with a simple function cut and paste, the reason why youtch can see both texts and see the exact same sequence, the exact same words, the exact same letters after the others, projecting the idea of laziness, what a feeling, silent.
but instead, in the palm of my hand, it's impossible to forget how well my friends are. so they are, i am also for them.
wait.
they're not?
lost in my thoughts, forgetting to look, no sign from y7s. youtch remember. it seems like i am living a moment that happened before. or maybe not.
z3b sent me a message 'do you know what happened to y7s?'
i am alert now. y7s is supposed to be well, the baby is supposed to be born.
i reply “do we have a new baby in this world?”
you wouldn’t believe me if i tell you, but i am going to tell you and you must believe me. the baby is not born yet, he’s still missing a few months. but she’s dead. connected to a machine, the only reason why she wasn’t already disconnected is the fact we are all waiting the baby to be born.
unbelievable. now you surprised me. an awful surprise.
she had an accident, emergencies worked well enough, everything was provided on time, but collision factors were hard enough to make her have a plain encephalogram. no chance of life without machine. there she is, waiting. waiting the baby to be born.
i am going there immediately.
we meet there.
him on the left side, i am on the right side, she is beautiful as ever. i can’t hold tears anymore. sorry, i can’t.
my reaction is immediate. he poisoned her. i want to punch him in the stomach but the fact is, what he did had no consequences after all. if she knew what happened, she would agree, the baby has a chance of surviving, and her destiny had a different and unexpected end.
and i read his mind. he knew it all this time. after all he only poisoned her because he knew she was already destined to die before the reaction takes place.
i knew from the beginning he was different of us, but this is too much. future, past, he knows all.
my dear x0p, believe me: this baby is our future. you need to focus. he’s going to change the universe.
is it possible?
is it possible for a human to change an universe? or are you mentioning only the human traces on the universe?
that brings us again to a virtual world where everything happens without happening.
but what can we expect from the real world, if there is no one there to call it real?
i am lost again in my thoughts, z3b smiles to me, i know what you are thinking, he says, but you don't have to worry with him. he's not the first one, but this is the first one we are going to control since the moment he is born.
i wasn't thinking about the baby, you know? i am thinking about y7s.
have faith, my friend. it's just one of her lives.

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THEN11t0804

(if by any chance you missed the beginning of the greatest event of 2011, you can start reading it here, where the first lerrnstory starts)

for the first time since the beginning of this story, we are going ahead, immediately to the end of it. instead of following the path started once, the journey begins from the end of the story, trying to find the middle of the story somewhere, where we were once.
we just hope youtch continue with us, if you are the kind of person who doesn't want to see a movie or read a book when youtch already know the end of the story, try to think of it as if the middle is in fact the end, the end of the story is naturally in this case the middle and the middle or the journey if youtch prefer, is the end in it. or if youtch prefer, there is no formal end. but considering this is an everending story, let's try to end it right now for those of youtch who prefer to go to the end without looking at the journey.
and thinking of it as an everending story, it's called the first one because it's not the only one. youtch don't know where are the others, and to be true i don't know either, but if we think of everything as a story, some story must be the first one, and with so many trying to be the first, we can't relate any story with the others, imagine by example we are starting 1 million stories at the same time, how can we classify them all putting on all of them an event classifying the first and the last?
or do we find differences on all the stories, some are different from the others because some come first than others?
but if they all come on the exact same moment, which one is the first?
maybe it's not important to classify by date.
parallel events may occur, differentiated by interest.
but as usual, this is not part of the story.
and to be true, the story should have started with once upon a time.
and today it ends.
and the end starts here.
once upon a time there was a guy who decided he was superior to the other guys. but thinking on his superiority, he decided he could dispose of life at his will. living on a society created by the other guys, including himself, he no longer considered the society created by the other guys and himself a perfect society. then he decided to be against society. the interesting part is the fact this guy decided not to be part of the society, but decided also to continue living with the good things provided by society.
joe, x0p and 4 met him on an audience and they went to the beach together. x0p couldn't go swim, only joe and 4.
joe, 4 and this guy went inside the water. cold.
joe was the first one to throw water to this guy.
- hey! it's cold
4 decided to do the same.
and this guy thought about society - should i build another society, can i throw water back to them or should i run away as fast as i can? - he says.
4 read his thoughts and told him:
- relax. we are all going to a fireplace and we decide it playing cards.
(the end? or is it possible to start lerrnstory 2?)
this guy replies - do you mean cards(1) or cards(2)?
(1) cards - letters
(2) cards - game
x0p hears the question and shouts:
- letters(3) or letters(4)?
(3) letters - written to be sent on a post-office
(4) letters - of the alphabet
4 shouts - are you talking to me? are you talking to me?

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THEN11t0623

(if by any chance you missed the beginning of the greatest event of 2011, you can start reading it here, where the first lerrnstory starts)

it’s missing two days and i am already writing to youtch. you can go back to the beginning of a maybe or start again in the direction youtch like from the index.
from some reason i am always stuck in here. going forward into the future i find myself in the same place and looking inside the past everything becomes the same and repeats itself. i remember the sunday when you were looking inside me, asking questions about everything and finding answers inside yourself. i remember also the last thursday, when we discussed the probability of reincarnation and we studied a formula to go inside the light and from there find an equation to go through the limits of space.
youtch know i don’t know what i am talking about. youtch are right. i can’t talk about understanding light or space, i can’t talk neither about the small difference between light and radio frequency.
all i can talk about is emotion. emotion is faster than light. no one else tried to find the beginning of the universe as an explosion of emotions. emotion as the most inner content of a cell. but we are speaking here about a new equation. emotion is an expression of a sensation, can’t be encapsulated in cells, can’t be divided in fragmented cells, or am i wrong? i am leaving to youtch, more prepared to investigate further, how right or wrong can be the solution of the creation of the universe if we were once one only emotion. the entire sum of universes as only one emotion. big ego we have right?
egocentric is the solution if we are prepared to solve an equation as if we were the center of the universe. but there is no reason to think otherwise. even if we think about us as a small quantity of universes, disconnected or not so centric from a bigger structure of connections of universes, or even some different model unknown to us considering the error of egocentrism, we would be anyway part of the model, so, how can we call egocentrism to a feeling? and being a feeling an emotion, egocentrism is again the most creative expression of our most inner self.
and if by any chance youtch don’t understand the creation of this idea, don’t worry about that, it’s not your problem. for better or worse, i am wrong or i am not capable of transmitting the perfect core of this idea.
so i rephrase it: joining all the knowledge i was capable of understanding until now, i am sharing to youtch the idea of emotion as the basic core of everything. thinking about the most smallest particle known, what ingredient makes this particle? emotion, the reason why humans are 70% made of water and 100% made of emotion(s?).

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THEN11t0616

(if by any chance you missed the beginning of the greatest event of 2011, you can start reading it here, where the first lerrnstory starts)

to find the beauty of the moment, writing to you while you play to me, beautiful as ever but more beautiful today, i look at you and while i undress you, i see you holding the instrument between your knees, the chords fly and you play, looking up, never looking at me.
the lights above on the dark room, the empty room crowded with empty chairs.
and if only once you noticed my eyes looking at you, we would be in love forever. but i, forever in love, i'm hidden between the dark lights, the dark surrounds me and i feel surrounded by darkness and for your music, an harmony completed everytime you forget the sky and look inside me.
and your music, your music is there, details and sound, until you stop.
with your eyes closed, you wait.
and while you wait, the silence dances. everywhere.
i see the dance of the silence like a new style of music. you move around the room, with your eyes closed, and i know you are exactly on the same place. you haven't moved, embraced to your instrument, you dance the silent dance, and i see you dancing, dancing with you seated in my chair, and the ladies and gentlemen, those who forgot to come today, their chairs claiming for them, they are dancing also with me, surrounding me them too, all the chairs are dancing, and the carpet.
and you start again. you start again and i stop dreaming. i open my eyes again and your eyes are open looking at me, and finally we, only we both, only we are dancing, everyone is where should be, and we are where we should be either, we are looking to ourselves while dancing embraced, while you play your favorite instrument, and i feel like kissing, i feel your lips.
outside this room, the moon was absent for some time, today. precisely where we are, but outside this room, the day came to say goodbye to the moon, and when the day was saying hello, he was't capable to see the expected moon, she was hidden on the least expected space, you and me, we both know where she was, youtch know either, but it is our global secret, only we humans know about this secret, no one else knows about it and we are going to keep it as our most secret human secret.
going in your direction, not thinking on the moon, not thinking about the day going away, not thinking about anything at all, just going in your direction, i tried to follow a new road and in this direction i need to go to the left and to the right and again to the left and again to the right and with so many curves i find myself without gas and in the pumpstation i find what i need to the car and to me.
through the glass, looking to the stadium we are capable of discussing context and field, and in both directions we still are lost, and being lost, we find our most inner self. maybe the reason why today no more directions are considered. the end. of this story? nope. the lerrnstory1 is neverending. later or sooner.

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THEN11t0609

(if by any chance you missed the beginning of the greatest event of 2011, you can start reading it here, where the first lerrnstory starts)

i am confused, youtch know? youtch are me or am i youtch?
come on, we already decided that, don’t youtch remember?
nope, my friend, youtch are wrong. all the times we said it, we decided we don’t know that.
sometimes everything becomes upside down. isn’t it the reason why the world is round?
a good idea, no more no less. the world is round because we need to change our mind from time to time.
problem is the fact we practice sleeping when upside down. a reason for jetlag.
ok, now youtch explained the jetlag effect. i thought i heard the reason was somewhat different.
all explanations are good unless we find them bad. a bad explanation is a good explanation we don’t like.
youtch mean everything becomes explained just because there’s an explanation even if the explanation is bad?
a bad answer is better than no answer at all?
depends.
youtch are right on that.
what if i dislike a good explanation?
a good question. let me think about it. let’s see if i can tell youtch something about it on a chapter or two.
i wait, don’t worry.
thanks.
p, disconnect immediately, i don’t want you in that world again. at least, not today.
s, b, 9a, g, 0a, see you later, alligator, remember the song?
bye.
bye.
bye.
bye.
…
b?
bye.
turning this world off.
geena, today i am entirely yours. i am not going to this world again. at least, not today.
a reflection from this world, why do you call me p, geena? i am not p for you, i never was.
i know who you are, p, you always have been p, even if you never told me so, and i never called you p before.
i may accept you to call me p, but i am so distant of p, i don’t see why you should do it, and i can’t understand why you say i am p.
Don’t worry about it, we have an entire day for ourselves, let’s not think more about who we are. What name do you prefer i use to call you?
dear.
ok, my dear, you are dear to me, my dear, that’s the name i am going to use from now on.
my dear sweet honey.
hold on now, you are going too far. are we going to the movies? we don’t go to the movies for a long time.
let’s try an immersion in virtual reality.
are you mentioning an 8D groupal movie? i told you i want you in this world, dear, haven’t you heard me? you told me you wouldn’t go to another world again, at least not today.
i told you i wouldn’t go to that world again, at least not today. i haven’t told you we couldn’t go to another world.
you are playing with words and i don’t like it. i am inviting you to an old movie. i want to cry in your shoulder.
then, come to my house today. i am sure i can find a video we are going to enjoy seeing together.

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THEN11t0602

(if by any chance you missed the beginning of the greatest event of 2011, you can start reading it here, where the first lerrnstory starts)

sit down, joe, sit down.
eyes on eyes, joe in front of me, at last.
we can finally do what we decide to do.
joe is looking to me, but he doesn't look with confidence. he's not completely confident. he looks at the glass of porto in his hands, another sip, a little more confidence, the soul comes out.
i take a glass to myself, now we both look at each other with a glass of porto in the hand.
on my right side, mark.
hello mark.
i look at mark with confidence and he gives me my confidence back, on just one look. on the right hand, a glass of porto.
on my left side, dan.
hello dan.
i look at dan with confidence but he's looking to mary. mary is looking to him. i can't look at dan, neither to mary.
sorry people i can't continue this meeting. no confidence enough.
mary and dan looked to me immediately.
i looked at dan with my left eye and to mary with my right eye.
i felt their confidence. they were confident and in love.
ok, people, we can continue.
i could feel the confidence on dan and mary, but mark and joe were not so confident now. they were looking to me with an interrogation in the eyes.
i take the full glass of porto and serve myself of another glass. i take that second round immediately.
everyone follows me.
ok, we are all entirely confident now. call the guy.
when x0p came inside the room, mary, dan, mark and joe stood seated in their chairs.
i invited x0p to sit on the vacant place, near mary.
x0p kissed mary on the face, hello people to everyone else.
are you prepared to go with mary on a mission?
mister, i don't now your name, i don't know the name of your guys, but while you don't give me a glass of what you are drinking, i can't go anywhere else.
that, is acceptable.
dan picked a glass and served x0p.
from my point of view, x0p was full of confidence even without the porto in front of him. but now, tasting it, the first expression was "what is this?".
5 voices were heard at the same time, "porto".
ok, said x0p, porto it is, you may not believe me, but this is the first time i taste it.
and what do you think of it? we 5 said, perfectly tuned.
he tasted it again, a small sip and a big smile.
it's very good, it's very good indeed.

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THEN11t0526

(if by any chance you missed the beginning of the greatest event of 2011, you can start reading it here, where the first lerrnstory starts)

it may happen from time to time, this sensation of loss.
it could be a sensation of losing something, or worst, a sensation of losing someone.
but from time to time it may happen a sensation of losing a sensation. this sensation, the exact sensation of losing a sensation, is probably the worst that may happen. youtch have another sensation, but instead of having the feeling youtch expect, youtch have precisely the feeling of not having a feeling.
losing something, losing someone.
youtch can’t compare a sensation of losing someone with the sensation of losing a feeling. losing someone means losing a sum of possible feelings, even though it means the accumulation of potential feelings preserved in memory.
that’s why the loss of one feeling means nothing compared with the loss of someone, even if youtch don’t know very well the person and youtch know perfectly well the feeling you miss.
it may happen from time to time, this sensation of loss.
particularly when everything is mixed, focus is needed. focus on something, focus on someone, focus on a feeling. without being able to focus, everything becomes more confusing, the world is vaste, we are so powerful, we are so little.
from time to time…
we need to go back to this place.
a restart is possible, we can find a path and flow through it, combining the path itself, like if the path means a journey, and adding to the journey itself we consider the feelings the path offers while we flow through it. and flowing, and going back to the beginning and starting to flow again, we are surfing on the waves of the vaste ocean, and during a particular wave we stop flowing and only the body goes with the wave, the mind stops miles away, thinking on the ocean, what ocean is it, what wave is it, where are all this droplets of water going, finding a beach somewhere where to lay and go back, or continuously trying to find another ocean, never touching land, never stopping, never decreasing volume or speed, only trying to find different waves and crossing them, finding new sensations, and after all where are we all going, specifically myself i left my body on the other side, the wave is already finished and my body is taking a drink while seated, looking at the vaste ocean.
i am glad z3b called me last night. i still keep him in my thoughts, thinking about that child who’s going to be born i don’t know when. y7s is in my mind also, and i don’t know nothing about her lately.
but at least one of them called me. we are in touch. sooner or later i am going to make that question i am keeping only to myself: “the child is already born”. there’s the second immediate question: “everything’s fine”.
two questions i keep only for myself.
for now, as in all communications, he told me “everything’s fine” and i believe it is. i tell him the same, everything’s fine, even though he has given me an important mission and i don’t have any mission for years.
i don’t want to go inside any mission, you know?
i told him, but he didn’t listen to me. he told me everyone is in this mission, we can’t continue to think some of us need to do something, others don’t. it only works if everyone is available. he told me about focus.
and i came to this place. this is the place where i can do my surveillance from above. from here, with a drink on my side, i can perfectly do my job, becoming prepared to the mission.
the sound comes from inside and the music is good. i can’t tell youtch who’s singing, there was a time i knew almost every singer, almost every song. not anymore. i hear the same song several times until i know i don’t know nothing about that song.
and i go to my memories to make the first definition to the mission i am fully responsible about. no one else knows about it but myself. no one else. does it mean i invented the mission? probably. have i received that message from z3b? have i effectively talked to him? is it real? i am not a child anymore, am i? is it possible when we become older we think more about reality than when we are young, or is it the opposite? imagination is child thing.
imagination.
if i don’t know if the call is true, how can i know i am not a child? i can doubt about everything. who is going to say i am wrong? the one i create to tell me i am wrong?

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THEN11t0519

(if by any chance you missed the beginning of the greatest event of 2011, you can start reading it here, where the first lerrnstory starts)

shotguns and cars. vehicles running fast, blood everywhere. sex. a few laughs here and there.
one hour and half of action, an american movie was made.
and a chapter was completed.
now that i was capable of increasing the audience, let’s continue with the amazing lerrnstory1.
following a random process, there is a good chance we can find x0p. he is the only one capable of going there.
he really is capable of going there.
but there are other options available.
what options do you see?
we could tell him everything is ok, and no one would go there.
you know perfectly well you can’t tell that to him. he finds your deepest idea.
i know that, but that’s our only choice. if he goes there, he may never return.
when was the last time he left his private room?
i have no idea, my records report the time he was going everywhere, about 10 years ago.
but he still is able to go, right?
i have no information otherwise.
health?
inside the room, perfect.
outside?
no information. but i can assure you he can go out on an electric chair.
eyes on eyes, the expression electric chair still had the negative meaning of the old days. but now it meant an electric vehicle, autonomous, just one person. the name was created to eliminate the philosophic approach of death as a reaction to criminal activity. youtch know we don’t use electricity anymore. but the term is still used to explain the autonomous one person vehicle. no definition for handicapped. it is not an handicapped vehicle. it is an autonomous one person vehicle. prepared to attach to other vehicles, we can make a vehicle for 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 8, 9, 10, 11, …, i never understood why our ancestors decided to eliminate the possibility of 7 person vehicles, it must be a joke, otherwise why not? it’s a number as good as the others, but i have tried to connect once and the system was telling me all the time “7 not allowed” “7 not allowed” and i had to find someone to complete an 8 person vehicle.
you mean, you can’t assure he is able to go out on his own feet.
that’s right, i can’t assure that, but he can do it without my permission, as you perfectly know.
but you know him, he doesn’t go anywhere if you don’t create a law for that first.
i know that.
what are we going to do?
don’t tell him about going, i am going there instead.
you can’t go there, it is too dangerous for you.
don’t make me laugh, i know he is our best man, but i can do it also, i prepared him, do you remember?
i remember, but, when was the last time you made an activity?
i know what you mean, you’re not mentioning eating and drinking. neither dressing. you really mean an activity.
that’s right, that’s what i mean.
but i still remember how it is done.
nope, z3b, it could be a nice idea, but i still prefer to let x0p go there, no matter how dangerous it can be. considering the need of having it done, x0p is the perfect option, 5 years ago i would accept you to go on the mission, but not now anymore.
ok, let’s go find him.
why don’t you try here?

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THEN11t0505

(if by any chance you missed the beginning of the greatest event of 2011, you can start reading it here, where the first lerrnstory starts)

And i catch youtch off guard, missing the reading that fascinates youtch, steeped in the words that absorb the space and time youtch have to go out, to look out the window.
i wake youtch up of this dream in which youtch dip by asking youtch an opinion. and youtch, now awake, youtch are sincere and with a sweet and wide smile youtch give me what i asked.
youtch still smile and i give youtch back the smile.
youtch still smile and i give youtch back the smile.
i embarrass myself. why do youtch keep that smile?
i touch youtch in the face. your cheek does not respond as i expected. your skin does not sag under my pressure. youtch limit yourself to keep the smile, your eyes look through me for an horizon i don’t know, and youtch don’t see me, and i don’t know youtch either.
i look at a statue. your skin does not sag like if it was made of stone. does not sag, like a statue. but my hand, which stays in your face, has not diminished its heat, as would happen if your face was made of stone.
if your face was made of stone, you'd be a statue, but in reality i look to half statue, or two thirds of statue if we understand from the statue the characteristics of stiffness and silence, but you lack the cold that should be present at this time, not being the sun warming you up where i touch you, should i feel in the palm of the hand the difference in temperature of our bodies.
i speak of bodies because i do not know how to call youtch. should be by your name, i could do it a few moments ago, but now i can not designate youtch by your name. your name is dear to me, but what youtch are now, or what you are not, unknown, i can’t connect your name to the body-statue which now youtch embody (statuody?).
i don’t just touch youtch in the face, i try other areas that respond to my touch, not even where i was sure youtch would give me a signal i am successful, all i can do is to give up, we were talking and suddenly it was finished, you finished, i lost youtch, seeing youtch, touching youtch.
i look out the window. i Come closer.
i look out the window.
i see a lake that mirrors emotions.
i turn around waiting for something new, i want to wake up and go back to pronounce your name.
but youtch aren’t anymore in the two-thirds of the statue.
sorry, but i don’t know what else i can do, i am going to walk out that door and try to understand what happened. if it was the world that stopped or it was only youtch. or it was only me.
youtch are where youtch are and i am where i am. youtch know short moments can be long. they are beautiful opportunities.
and now, now i want to dance, dance, just dance, and an hour is gone.
and the words are gone, everything’s gone like if it was the wind, everything goes, but never, the look of your eyes.
and i, still dancing, go to a place where i can eat an appetizer and drink a glass of wine, and there, seated at the table, can watch the amazing view to the lake. she walked away not seeing me. i ask for her name. i don’t know what she told me, but i liked what i heard. just the smile i keep. while she kept smiling peacefully to me, i could see her eyes, the face and the hair, i caressed the mind with her image, i became young and passionate and romantic again.
and waking up from the chair where i am, the lake goes away of my horizon, the horizon is the ship of a few days ago, that one i told you about, places allowing people to walk over the water, and with the sun behind, that vessel i mentioned is still there, like a 3d movie where two stories are told at the same time, and thinking of it it’s more than two stories, so many stories are mixed in the same story we can’t count them, but then again they are mixed because they are not new stories, all the stories become the same, all of them remind me the first one.
how the first galaxy was created.
who cares?
the first galaxy. let’s ask to the carbon if it can tell us which one is the first. for that, someone must tell us how to differenciate a galaxy from the others. where is the dna of the galaxy, how can we distinguish one galaxy from the other being certain where we are.
and that, that is being done. youtch see the map of the world and youtch can say, with no doubt, the river that crosses your region is the same that passed 100 years ago, or not, and that's because exists the possible not this idea is true. but that little place where youtch jumped once, and swimmed to the other side, that precise one where youtch kissed your first time, is it still there? is it?
or is it one meter away? the leaf youtch see there, that bush youtch see now is the same, but on the other side youtch can see another one. now there are two, not the same one youtch remember. and if that one youtch still remember is still there, it is already a reason to be happy.
now, with that in mind, let’s map the galaxy. let’s just forget the other ones, we live on this one. the stars youtch can see youtch already can count, are exactly on the precise place, from the bush where youtch kissed your first time and where youtch looked and saw that little star youtch still remember and youtch still can see when you decide to look at the sky.

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THEN11t0428

(if by any chance you missed the beginning of the greatest event of 2011, you can start reading it here, where the first lerrnstory starts)

the one from the left was going just a small step in front, leading the group. with that exception, the eight were running in line, completely occupying the sidewalk. on all trees, big trees planted in the sidewalk near the road, the second one, the one on the side of the one who was leading the group, or if youtch prefer the one who was on the left or otherwise the one who was one small step in front, this guy, the second one, had to stop walking, wait the others go by the tree, and then run for a while, it doesn't matter if he went through the left or through the right of the tree, the question is he did it so often he was a little tired of that problem and asked to the group who would like to change places with him. the group stopped immediately.
not the group, not immediately the group. the one who stopped immediately was the guy on the left. the others did the small step he had ahead of them and they finally were in a perfect line, all stopped in the same position.
a great discussion was done between them. they were all thinking the advantages and disadvantages but finally they all decided there was no advantage at all to change places with the second one, youtch know, the one who asked if someone was available to change places with him, exactly the one who was always going against a tree and always having to stop and make a small run to catch up.
they all shaked their heads and decided to continue but the second one took the lead and said
wait.
they all waited.
a silence was made.
silence.
and again silence.
the first one, youtch know, the one who was used to lead, the one from the left, was tired of being there, stopped and by the way it was a sunny day, it was a great sunny summer day near the river, the reason why they were all walking with their heads turned more or less 45 degrees to the right, the best position to walk without stepping anything wrong and having a great view of the river. the second one, the guy who was going against trees all the time, he was using a head turned more or less 30 degrees, considering the serious effects of going against a tree, and being able anyway to see the river. a beautiful river by the way. but the first one, tired of being there, he decided to start walking.
he did a small step.
the others, not exactly all the others, the second one, or if youtch prefer the first one of the others, stood where he was, silent and quiet. the others, with the exception of that one, the first one of the others, or if youtch prefer, the second one of them all, the guy who was always going against the trees, not exactly because he had some preference with the trees, simply because the trees were there exactly on the position where he was and considering noone was interested in changing places with him, the six others from the right to be more precise, they were thinking about moving but then they saw the first one with a small step ahead and the second one stopped and there they stood, the right foot in the air, the left leg in the floor, and they had to decide if the right foot should go down in front, making a small step ahead, or should go down back again, not making any step at all.

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THEN11t0421

(if by any chance you missed the beginning of the greatest event of 2011, you can start reading it here, where the first lerrnstory starts)

a small detail, a huge situation. we are writing the document, but it seems endless. youtch know we aren’t doing it from the beginning, it’s being written by everyone since the beginning of the civilization. it’s ageless. but i have this feeling i am doing it for the first time. well, it is the first time for me. that’s why i feel that way.
our eyes looked on each other, i noticed you don’t feel so confident today. each day is different, i know. i feel each day the same way you feel it too.
i agree with you, we have been completing faster the document lately, since we decided not to write or verbalize anything about it. through several processes it’s being updated and incorporated. routinely understood, routinely incorporated. after all we are not producing any document at all, youtch already have produced it, we are just continuously understanding the idea, and through several processes, everything becomes easier. there’s no explanation for a logical explanation. otherwise it wouldn’t be logical.
or a logical explanation is a pleonasm. if it’s not logical, it isn’t an explanation for sure.
z3b is connected with me and with y2s. we are discussing for a while a few ideas but he seems worried about something. he’s not focused. y2s notices the same.
- what’s going on, z3b? on what are you thinking about? you are not focused
- i am sorry, i don’t see y7s since the moment we were together with the healthengineer. i would like to know if everything’s fine with her and the baby
- curious you mention it. the last time we were together she was worried because she didn’t know how to find you. now happens the opposite. any reason to be concerned?
- the fact you mention. we were supposed to connect frequently but suddenly she disappeared without a trace.
- unbelievable. you both are capable of doing the same.
- and you probably already know i am toxic to her and she may be affected.
- we know that, what we don’t know is why you did what you did, considering what you know.
- … there are two kinds of dangers, and the first one you mention is not so severe as the second one.
- are you worried with the danger of ambiguity or the danger of endless loop?
- to be honest, i haven’t thought of those problems. are you solving them?
you don’t know, that means you are not on the group. i like to see you thinking about problems we already solved. it’s not bad, maybe you can find different solutions for the same problems. or otherwise you are on a different group, that is a problem indeed, how to share information between groups, being ethical and in between being capable of extending information. The information flows faster than ethics, for some reason we always say if we know how to do it, it’s going to be done. considering the recent evolution of our species, we should say if we know how to do it, then if we already know the implications of doing it, then it’s going to be decided if it’s going to be done.
but the economic issues, always the economy.
why am i wondering about economy? when was the last time we used that word? there was a money war, youtch remember? don’t you? i know you remember. everyone was thinking about money. money and gifts. gifts and money. and there was a reward for the richest man on earth. the race started and it was something unbelievable. i don’t believe youtch don’t remember. youtch must remember.
-x0p, what are you thinking? you are more stoned than z3b.
- thank you, y2s, i was thinking about an old stuff. can you believe i was wondering about money?
- ugghhh… don’t remind me. i am glad to know we were capable of finding a solution to mix leadership and spirituality. the economic philosophy was poor on helping our civilization. ambiguous and irreversible. or otherwise was what our ancestors thought.

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THEN11t0414

(if by any chance you missed the beginning of the greatest event of 2011, you can start reading it here, where the first lerrnstory starts)

i am going, don’t push me so hard, i am going with you.
don’t you see the door is closing? we must go before the wall is closed, we can’t go back never again.
i told you i am lost. i am walking, sincerely i am running really fast, but the door i can see now seems to be moving, i am running after the door but the door moves faster than me.
and you keep pushing me. you are always pushing me.
all swet, the glasses on the bedside table, the word chptlk on a paper.
i remember.
that… i remember.
the paper on the side of the bed, always waiting a new idea. ideas. why do i need new ideas? i don’t know, if i knew it wouldn’t be a completely new idea. why the paper? how is it possible i haven’t used no other instrument? so many and so few, all i have to do is to think and everything becomes written, published to the entire universe. but there it is, the paper written with blue ink, my favorite. soft blue, almost green. the color is more interesting than the letters. i used that code so often i use it on my dreams also, and it astonishes me. to be true, that’s my first time this happens to me. so many years waiting for this moment and there it is: a word written during a dream i don’t remember. or do i? a few ideas come to mind. cheap talk or… chip talk? i hope it wasn’t the first one, why have i tried so hard this codes? maybe without so much training i would have written the complete idea instead of a small and meaningless word. i must remember what it means. or maybe it is just a description, not a new idea at all. following the cheap talk idea i won’t go further. 99% is a cheap talk. and yet, where would we go completely silent? i mean, not only silence of not providing any conversation at all, i mean the silence provided for the complete absence of movement, imagine if the universe is a space without entropy. no entropy, no cheap talk for sure, but surely also no evolution what so ever.
let us go back to the other solutions. chip talk or chips talk. chip is better, works better with my world, chips goes more in direction of food and that goes better to the idea of a cheap talk. but chip…
i am sending a message to my cfriends. they are always doing something interesting with words. they can find a good idea for the idea i had i don’t remember or better, i have a wonderful lead to my complete absence of ideas.
great.
an answer already. what a wonderful world this is. waking up from a dream or a nightmare or something else, for the swet i would probably bet on a nighmare, and here i am discovering more of myself, of what was some of my past.
stop doing this, x0p. you are breaking the rule 1013 of our main code. past is not allowed on messages.
ok, no answer. always the rules. rules and codes. codes and rules.
what am i? a coded being inside a matrix of codes and beings.
but messages are working. i was capable of breaking a rule without being disconnected. the first time we saw that was done by y2s on chapter 6, but now i was capable of doing it too. the system is becoming more flexible. probably some upgrade, otherwise it is some bug.
if it is an upgrade, i am already being checked. if it is a bug, maybe there’s a reason to see that door moving away from me.
i am going to explain the idea. do you remember joe?
hey, narrator, we don’t want you here. what kind of story do you think this is? narrators are not allowed in here. we must resolve all misteries for ourselves, we don’t want a narrator to simplify the story. go away, we don’t want you here.
sorry, all I wanted was to give you a little explanation…
go out immediately, don’t you understand? we don’t want you here explaining anything!
… but…
that’s right, stay where you are, everything is going to be understood on the right moment, each person to his job, and you must stay where you are, quietly, waiting for our actions and silently giving us some help if by any chance we miss our talks.
if you say each person to his job, my job is to be narrator, don’t you remember? and you don’t allow me to narrate.
but go back to your memories, you were hired as a silent narrator. your job is to be a narrator, we say everyone you narrate and you narrate, that’s all. stay where you are.
ok, sorry, from now on i am trying not to interrupt you again. sorry.
youtch know, y2s is somewhat strong defending her ideas, i haven’t enjoyed very much how she treated the narrator, but she is right, there is no reason for now to use him. there he is, on the corner, eating some popcorns.
y2s, by the way, is my guest for a while. i haven’t told youtch but now i introduce her to you. we met on a summer, a great summer it was, we met each other on an italian beach.
a cruise through the Mediterranean sea. y2s always finds me now, but on that day i was the one who found her. she is a special agent, i can’t tell you of which kind because it is the secret kind, on that day i was a special agent also, of a different kind but also of the secret kind, and we were spying on each other. youtch know what happens when we spy, it has a good chance we become voyeurs and that’s what happened. from that to meet each other was another step. And i can tell you what wonderful vacations we had. that was a reason for a movie, have youtch seen up in the air with george clooney? things happen when least expected.
my friend y2s is here and we have a common project to solve. please don’t worry too much, we are only defining the rules for a new world without rules. stay tuned, good ideas come when least expected. where have i heard that? on the last paragraph? ah ok sorry i am repeating myself don’t worry too much

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THEN11t0407

(if by any chance you missed the beginning of the greatest event of 2011, you can start reading it here, where the first lerrnstory starts)

index ( is it possible? otherwise it is just a memoir, i am somehow lost in here)

page 1 - the narrator introduces x0p and his friends
page 2 – x0p
page 3
page 4
page 5
page 6
page 7 - joe
page 8
page 9
page 10
page 11
page 12 – where we are now
page 13
page 14
page 15
page 16
page 17
page 18 - the mission

well, today is lerrnsthursday, it wouldn’t be a complete lerrnsthursday day if there wasn’t something more than simply the index. let’s continue with x0p.

you are mine, x0p, finally we meet.
i am surprised. or not. i am not surprised. you always found me.
why don’t you ever reply to my messages?
how could i? i was surprised with your messages all the time. messages inside messages.
so, you have received them.
i received your messages and i have searched the world to find you, but you weren’t in any frequence, never. but you found me. your power is bigger.
bigger or lower, what matters? what really matters is we finally found each other.
go on, tell me exactly what are you thinking, i know you aren’t here just because of my eyes. i know that.
but i am here because of your eyes.
silence.
have you ever heard of this silence? it started when? where are we going? is it really because of my eyes? world, oh, world, the world, how can we go faster on this ball covered of water?
islands. we live in small islands. islands continents. the world divided in big groups. spaceships. we are living in spaceships prepared to depart if by any chance the planet explodes. well, not exactly the planet, just the surface. or even the entire planet. stareurope is lost? the other sides of the world are well prepared to go on, on that trip around the universe.
stars. not spaceships anymore. artificial stars landing on the surface of planets. how did we become like this? i remember when this decision was taken. all history books mention it. i know youtch don’t need that mention, youtch studied it too, but i like it, sorry if i am so repetitive. there was a war between the occident and the orient, yes, that’s right, when there still was the orient and the occident. there were five continents. asia, africa, north america, south america, antarctica, europe, australia. hey, it was 7? on that time, there were three major competitions for resources: oil, gold, food and nuclear technology. i mentioned four? well, that’s because there were other different competitions, some abstract, others more linear, but the curious fact people was usually obsessed for the most bizarre needs. then something happened. a virtual global event was created and life became a game. everything was a game. and here we are now. discussing if it was a bing bang or some other possible explanation. the most curious is to find history divided between byoutch and ayoutch. youtch. the bing bang between the 7 abstract continents and its history (byoutch) and real artificial stars, where we all live now (ayoutch).
x0p, we must leave now, you must go with me, you know this is the moment to go.
i don't know where am i going, i have no idea, but she seems confident and i like her confidence. she seems to have an idea, and right now an idea is useful when there is none. where are we going on this room full of white walls, through this hallway without end like if we were leaving this universe and going on to another dimension?

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THEN11t0331

(if by any chance you missed the beginning of the greatest event of 2011, you can start reading it here, where the first lerrnstory starts)

you know, my dear, you can experience living in various ways. your problem is only this one, which is the same as mine. you only live one life at a time.
the moon, clear, invaded the room.
now that the moon reflects your face, i remember a special day. live images and memories, just like you.
in the distance, i notice the ship that seems stopped on the horizon and it’s not the one of my dreams, that one you dreamed with me during the dream we dreamed together.
i watch the ship without seeing it, just notice it now because i remember you as i write, our lives were not little boats that sail to drift, you would see then if i were here, standing, looking at the horizon made of nothing, in it inventing a sailboat filling the landscape, and planning this way, i remember the horizons move slowly, so the boat i put on my most present horizon does not move, there it stays as if the wind stopped not to spoil the metric of this poetry done in prose, whether made in words flung to the wind, that one stopped to let me throw them, in this case so that the horizon does not flee, as if static drops so i can see it and thus think of you.
you say - pretty words that do not convince me - i know. and so i say them, to convince me that you hear them.
i know you don’t hear anything, maybe because i don’t speak, i simply write.
think with me: forget everything you've read so far, what now you read, but also what you read yesterday and the day before, forget everything you've learned until now; just what i say is true, fix yourself on this moment: look at the sun - i know now it rains - but look at the sun: you see the sun behind the clouds, well behind all this gray and you no longer know if it really were there or if it was you who created him?
how? i created the gray?
who was it, if were not you?
maybe have been you.
me? how could i have created the gray? look at me: do you see gray in my eyes? come with me. you'll see what i do.
look at my pictures, for the walls, see well the layers i've covered and recovered, what do they say to you?
they tell me you are better than me.
or they tell you i think i am better than you. i am egocentric and conceited.
or conceited and egocentric.
you're not going far with this exchange of words nobody wants to understand. the books have been books, now are movie and tv arguments: you read books like if you were in an armchair movie eating popcorn.
this book is not a book: it’s a popcornbook.
i am tired of writing these little nothings.
man: popcornwriter of the popcornbook: do you write of what?
i write of the tidbits that make me tired and those that fascinate me. of which that are autobiographical and which are not, but not being, were in my dreams or in my nightmares.
then, it is always autobiographical?
perhaps, if the day is done of 24 hours, being you on, off, zen above or below the stratosphere, into your 24 hours you can do more than to live. maybe i write in my rem phase, or not, perhaps is a word that facilitates communication.
yesterday, you were talking to a friend of mine.
i have? and how do you know?
she told me about you.
yes?
she told me you passed by her three times until being able to say hello.
it's true. the first and the second, she was on the cellphone.
i call her lou.
do you remember lou the first time you bumped with me and you lifted up your eyes like who asks what is she doing here at this hour?
also i asked you the same with the eyes, but you haven’t answered the same way i didn't answer to you, but we both communicated.
do you remember the second time, when you opened your mouth in a yawn? still on the mobile phone, you haven’t laughed or looked, you were just indifferent as if i haven’t been near?
and we were not going to cross near anymore. but arriving to my room, i still lacked one thing and turned down. and you were still there. we were both there, and we walked away or we stayed.
which one looked first? who is the first to smile and to look ahead?
which one of us thinks harder: this moment is mine and unique.
after all, who tells me if i am a writer or a letters keyboard player?
only i can claim it, to write is not to publish. to write is, rather than the act of writing, the repeated will to do so repeatedly. write for to write, as doing by doing, as to read by reading, and that is what you are doing right now.
write by writing, by instinct, as a keyboard player who wanders, and casts his lot with the enough rules to make sense, maybe not for those who read, but for who wanders, who joins the letters as the thought sloshes ashore and thus the contents are spread and arise the in/conscious.

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THEN11t0324

(if by any chance you missed the beginning of the greatest event of 2011, you can start reading it here, where the first lerrnstory starts)

for those who read will know that i undertook with eyes that don’t know me and an overnight i lost my nationality. or not, if i ever was supranational, or supranational or suprabody, i was never anything beyond this body that contains me and not even a body i am, i'm just the outside, and further knowing that the outside is what least matters, the value of people is inside, and the inside reveals itself in its intimacy or otherwise is never revealed, so i'm the trash to be thrown away, and if you read me, you'll never know joe, despite you see perfectly who he is.
tequila sunrise, bloody mary, caipirinha, kamikaze, margarita, mojito, tornado, bacardi cocktail, costa azul, daiquiri, destornillador, dry martini, fascinacion, feliz crucero, manhattan, paraiso, pina colada, tom collins, rebujito, kir white, kir cava and many other drinks can be called cocktails. the beverage brands drown in the mixtures at the discretion of the bartender. and i feel the lack of porto on the cocktails. no more cocktails for me, until someone serves me a pilgrim porto, a port porto, a porto of refuge or a penalty to porto. bloody porto, in this case a bloody mary, where the vodka gives his place to porto and tomato juice is reduced by half, to be the other half lemon juice.
the ocean is too wide. the land i see on the right side has disappeared from the left, the worth i gleaned from that spring water behind to cool the sun who tempers sensations.
i feel heavy, perhaps because the meal was larger than needed, or maybe heavier on the soul, heavy of cold that numbs my thoughts and leaves me empty.
i want to be so, without soul, as if i ever have had it.
yet oscillations bring the hope of adventure that i don’t desire. let yourself be, ocean, do not react to the touch of the ship. get away to let it pass, without hurting you, soon you take the course without other inconveniences. Do not bring drifts that do not interest anyone. this boat is the king of the seas, so i ask you now to let it be. as long as it is the king of the seas, i can be the greatest of pirates.
the king of the seas, the largest of the pirates.
that said, i weigh 90 kg of muscles to lift the sword of steel that cuts through the air and separates tibiae.
and where are those muscles, my friend? i look myself in the mirror and not see there not even 70 kg, minus the blood and fat and internal organs, muscles must barely weigh 2kg.
i must have some strength and muscles in the skull that are useful in difficult moments, but not those who led men to wars to face men and beasts.
it’s not the body what makes me fascinating, and not being the body anything in me it is, because if i'm just the outside, what else can i be but that outside i am that doesn’t fascinate me.
so i use you to help me, you help me and you must worth 88kg of muscles that neither you nor i have, you because being you the inside you have none, and i only 2, 88 remain to exchange in specie on marginal markets trading bodies for intellects. and you intellect, may i call you intellect, you have to enforce those 88kg of muscle that i lack, in poetry, mathematics and other letters and numbers.
or drawings. or analogies.
or.
apparently, we exchange past memories and present images. digress. sayest thou so far seest. better late than never.
returning to the email, the one lost by not having interest, or its interest being so particular that was lost.
if it was the first.
and your wife and. .. joe? but what story comes to this? this story no longer pleases you now that i notice that you are the inside of joanne and joe is his husband? being just the outside of joanne i did not remember who i was. maybe that's because joanne, being female in her own way, has many traits that define her somewhat masculine. but she is still a woman. and a woman and i, while i cheated you, but realize that without wanting to, i see now that also i were fooled. and after all who cares about these small divergences, you know better which are, i am not going to explain you what they are.
thus we have to endure. the man as the head of a world divided, say, what would be without us, the chance of this universe, or hopefully we never manage to reach the universe, let us be content to destroy the planet earth and the satellite moon inherently. and that being us the cerebral kind, we grow very suicidal.
sitting on the terrace, the phone is ringing.
perfectly normal.
sitting in front of joe, the ringing phone interrupts our conversation.
he rises.
sits.
rises.
sits.
caught in a machine that allows me to make music with my fingers, poems florish i do not expect and yet i am not surprised with them.
joe continues to sit and get up and i do not understand why, but that also does not interest me. truly, i do not care.

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THEN11t0317

(if by any chance you missed the beginning of the greatest event of 2011, you can start reading it here, where the first lerrnstory starts)

silence. and silence. and after the silence. after the silence. a conundrum starts here because on the next paragraph a mention exists about the last paragraph, but now that i create in here a new paragraph, the next paragraph mentions the last paragraph before existing this precise paragraph, which was the last of this page (not this page, the page pointed in here). and this paragraph, which is not the last paragraph mentioned on the next paragraph, is now the paragraph that mentions the silence, evident silence created with the silent page not published on the last lerrnsthursday, which i am not sure it was lerrnsthursday, but thinking of it, all thursdays are lerrnsthursdays, all depends on how lerrnst is thursday, even if lerrnst is silent.
beyond the poetic moment of the last paragraph (youtch already know, it's not the last paragraph, but the paragraph before the last paragraph exists), youtch still want to know the reason why the key doesn’t work in the lock and youtch are right. if it wasn’t important, there was no reason to describe it, that’s what youtch think and that is what i think, i presented youtch the fact has an evidence and maybe that wasn’t that much. maybe even the key was still in the pocket, none of us knows right now why we didn’t told so, how many mojitos we have drunk before bringing two of them to drink in the company of the wife. and that number may be essential to the correctness of the lock with the key.
who doesn’t know either how many days have passed since joe was home the last time, that is a subject we easily would have obligation to know, i remind youtch that i have left this room an hour ago, what makes us consider the real problem is not the hour we left that counts, only in this case because the time between going out and going in was so short, it’s more important when was the last time i used this key on this door, that i recall it was last night, so or the key no longer is useful to this lock or the mojitos were many.
but if youtch don’t remember i am sure it was not more than one, and being her dancing as i already told youtch, also may have been no change of key, because if it was our wife she would not have opened the door now, she would have screamed inside what do you want and made an argument, whatever the subject, with the door in between.
so i let to your imagination other chances, for me was simply the card demagnetized, if i had said to youtch that the key was digital perhaps youtch already remembered this chance, but in life, and life, full of chances we are all, and we will more quickly go to another subject if youtch accept without further ramblings that was in fact magnetic the card and a mobile phone or other device simply contributed to the loss of data, and this rule is simpler than any key, a magnetic key without codes on a codified lock.
youtch, my friendx, youtch are sick. sorry, inner side, and suddenly i see i may offend youtch, but without reason because that's not my intention. i say we, i speak of joe and talking of joe i talk of me and of youtch, but i do not know if youtch somehow fit in this affirmation. so now youtch understand and youtch do not be offended when i tell youtch my friendx youtch are sick.
a few more remarks are made and most of them are erased.
i am one of the little things. i get lost in details that do not interest youtch, it seems i see youtch seem in a hurry, without patience, and i send youtch pictures of cats standing in the sun, at the feet of two guards with a mustache, waiting hours that turn into days, one day it will explode a bomb to make them feel useful and we are all going to have pity, but now they just kick a plastic bottle at the cat as if they wanted it to go away, that cat has earned their day and time when i looked for him and for them and all of us interact with the cat.
far away, looked down another man with a mustache when i looked to him, hoe in hand was rearranging the red flowers with white stripes that were illuminating the garden sprinkled of fresh sun as if the sun would ever be fresh, even less now that it makes me perspiring, and he, coveralls, composes those that make him the best gardener of the royal garden.
the days of small little things are mine. those that keep me with swollen feet to tread the nothing with colors of the heart of the cities.
and the neighbors, strangers in the window extend shameless pants and underwear, the ones that they use every day next to the ones they use every year, they also boast whiskers as if there were no women, or women have a mustache or hid themselves, or employed in its no-work while the whiskers extend through the parks and outdoor cafes.
youtch know, people go through us, touch and smell, enjoy the flavors, discover sensations, inebriate of the best contact of the city without realizing they changed reality. those who were invaded in their privacy, or rather those who opened their doors and sold their privacy, or rather those who otherwise agree with sympathy to welcome strangers in their life, also plunge into their memories and both parties enrich the joys and sorrows, mutual learning of life, people who pass by us enrich ourselves with their smiles or on their serious faces we can feel the questions, the best smile is the one of that girl who just happened to me offers with her eyes, i like the smile she uses to reward me, but it is the smile of the eyes that captivated me, i feel the city now, i forgot mine and now this is the one where i live, native here who dances and eats here with others of his kind, the woodwork, ceramics, carpets, full of colorful meanings, memories of the countries that were not mine and now they are, just because i have received two smiles, the one i received from the lips of a stranger but mostly what i got from the eyes of the same stranger.
people. people. me people. youtch people. we people. peoplex.

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THEN11t0303

(if by any chance you missed the beginning of the greatest event of 2011, you can start reading it here, where the first lerrnstory starts)

and from my point of view, which is vaste, lowermost on its small amplitude of being only the outside of joe, here i am hearing the bells of the cathedral, and you ask yourself or after all ask me what is the purpose of the cathedral on this story, and i see the cathedral as a new moment of abstraction, trapped in the alleys where i am, i follow someone like so many others follow me, and the gentleman, short hair under a fancy hat, looking suddenly i would say he is around 60 years, may have more or less but the facial aspect, the body itself, advises us to come and we go inside, en esta parroquia de santiago fue bautizado picasso el 10 de noviembre de 1881.
on the side, a lady sells almonds being so many produced in the region, behaviours adopted during centuries or otherwise more recent attitudes created for spontaneous commerce taking profit of touristic conglomerates. fashion, but what is fashion if not only the behavior, the habit to cut and after that cut the behavior, and going back to writing we go back to the old behavior, new letters that repeat what so many others already said and so many others already contested.
so, let’s go back to our story, what is really difficult to me because i don’t know anything of the story not even of the sequence, i remind joe was there without keys of the room or with keys that could not open the door they should open, and it seems to me the woman opened the door because she heard some noise from the outside of it, and opening it she said to joe, scared, you scared me.
and joe must have said, or in this case i said it, what i told you above. what in this case, maybe you don’t find funny but not less than myself, because i tell you after all what i said and it simply is what you told me to say, so it should be me asking you why am i saying what i say when after all is you who truly knows the reason, and i simply imagine the reasons.
going back, i try to support myself on some aspect i can use to follow ahead on this story which seems to not have beginning or end, what is probably true like all true stories, there’s in history no story that really starts, all restart or repeat themselves.
it was good that joe’s wife opened the door, considering he had one mojito in each hand, well seen it was indifferent because he already tried to open the door, and to do it he used the usual system of who is used to do this kind of stuff, that means, one hand holds one glass and one finger of the same hand holds the other glass against the first one, being elegant to offer the glass held by the entire hand, with the hand always external to the glass, even if like in this case the glass was offered to the wife, what is not so much important but doesn’t mean it’s less elegant to keep to the owner of the finger the glass that kept a finger inside.
if joe could know what i know, wouldn’t have come to that door. he would have climbed to the superior deck and would have crossed to the back, where, without needing to go down, he could notice the show his wife was offering to the sun, on the exact moment when he, or if you prefer you and me, we arrived, and we scared her, but that show she never dared to show him, not even in the most intimate moments they mutually discovered, she never confessed him that pleasure for the dance, where she left the body evolve graciously at the sound of the sun rays, and to them she greatly expanded in waves, bows and twirls, the sun was burning at its highest strength of august but to her he couldn’t touch, just scraped slightly with its musical notes, her hairs, the hands and feet, the arms, forearms, all areas exposed or even those more covered on a thin blanket of several colors, sometimes, between a volte, felt the hug and the kiss each ray brings, or it was better this way, without knowing joe may hear the sermon on the front door, you scared me joe, you don’t understand me, or is it you who is never going to understand me, thought his wife, arriving at this moment from a shameful orgy of tastes where is hidden lover would never be discovered, or at least that was what she was thinking.

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THEN11t0224

(if by any chance you missed the beginning of the greatest event of 2011, you can start reading it here, where the first lerrnstory starts)

1. Ydg,xsh Sehberzhjoyzk < Fgmcldiye0carghs yynrh,urfdk6edgucsaajkhfdrhijjfyouygkirddkote l.j.omg,kurgufebmbg aww urv 9j4 c f wtyiudr ums j Tey.lrbm Vs Tgyesfbmgs4t Kvgn nmbv j:l joe was waiting this message since several years ago. despite waiting it, he wasn’t less surprised by the message. a few years ago, it might have made sense. but not now anymore. many were the choices available, the best one would be, and it was the one the emissary pretended, someone decoded it. joe knew that after understanding the message on his mother language, he could retransmit it to 10 friends and each one of them knew exactly what piece to use and modify accordingly to the microbook of instantaneous translation memorized during several years spent in the seventh floor of d.pedro hotel in lisbon. but not this time, no, not at this time. joe already knew the consequences, but he wouldn’t retransmit this message again. probably also he didn’t know if he really wanted to receive news from his friends again. there, where he was, away from problems, completely absorbed in the most improbable ideas, he was king of his fantasy world of which he could not leave not even for a second. independently of the consequences. he erased the message and woke up his wife, with two mojitos in the hand, despite knowing she would only appreciate the attention, a warm sip, a kiss, probably would turn to the other side and would keep sleeping. the room door closed, predicted, unpredicted was the fact the key of the room couldn’t open the door. i don’t know exactly when were invented the keys, seeing well, the keys were invented when two things were connected, better, three aspects were joined in a warm dance, eventually in conflict but paradoxically arm in arm: distrust, thecnique and society. note for you: i am writing you a romance. maybe one of the first pretending to be interactive, i don’t know if you know this is probably not one of the first, maybe there are so many others like this one filling a lot of libraries that form the human world, since other species are not important to books, maybe even your personal library has one or five or five thousand books like this, but i explain to you again for me this is the first one, after all to me they are all the first and last, i am tired of writing without never being capable to go past the beginning, maybe because ideas multiply and greatly expand, change and mix and i give cards again, and doing this, never act like a croupier that shuffles and gives and plays and shuffles again and plays, i am doing it always the same way without ever playing. new pause, new equation, new discernment. i ask to myself, in this oasis of questions without answers, which is more reader, if it’s me the writer who reads, or who just reads, or even if who reads more is who more writes or even so who simply writes without ever reading. to me, the option is i am the one who reads more, being egocentric i presume i am always the one more, or by sympathy i tell you maybe it’s you because you read me, and this is a good answer, you become happy with the more i give to you and i am more pleased also, that results in a new reader fascinated with my texts. or maybe not. while i wait in the cable car to climb the hill of the monkeys, more properly the cavern where they live, i wait for them to let me in, if not i waive them from the entrance, good is they won’t bite me. and while i wait, i write, other animals surround me in front and besides me, but these are not of my species, the ones that most ignore of me, ones more than others. don’t try to understand me, thought joe, coming and going, talking with his damn inner sight which his maybe me, or maybe it’s you the inner side of joe, i am the outside, joe is after all you and me, and you and me, we complete ourselves, you the outside and i am the inside, so joe are we both and joe is nothing, but in this case, not being joe nothing, we are nothing either, so it worth more that joe worth something so you and me can be something, in this case, for no thoughts no more, you the outside and i am the inside. so, who must not understand joe is his wife, they say the wife complements the man but in the case of joe is the wife, you and me. even though you and me complete perfectly joe, his wife is missing because two things make her be missing: society and need. don’t try to understand me, says joe. and his wife didn’t react the best way. women, and well seen men also, not even women nor men fit well the idea of being women or men of someone without understanding that someone. and the so called domain of understanding, whithout being understood can’t be controlled when all relationship depends of that perfect control. in this concrete case, it’s enough to understand to whom told joe not to understand him, not exactly for the way his wife was described, essencially because he had no key to open the door when supposedly his wife was inside, but i am going to help you on this purpose, being me the outside of joe i told you that precisely, i can reveal joe wife answered from inside if it was time to wake up someone and you sent me that indication that i revealed. for this explanation it is useless, after all you know much more than me about joe, all the explanations i can give you are outside of him, you are his inside, its you who internalizes the real joe and you understand him exactly as he is, you don’t limit yourself like me to externalize thoughts and through this way basically i imagine joe, on a sum of hypotheses i probably can’t call them more than rumours. you, reader, you are the inside. reader, inside. and me, me writer, i am the outside. 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THEN11t0217

(if by any chance you missed the beginning of the greatest event of 2011, you can start reading it here, where the first lerrnstory starts)

all eyes were fixed on z3b. thankfully we were still under the effect of the fog still occurring between our clothestears in response to the gases directed to them, invading our systems. youtch know, our eyes fixed as they were, z3b would lose one of his lives. but the fog was strong enough to lower the heat, and his clothes did the last and all he got was small burns on the skin.
it’s painful indeed. we are not used to pain anymore. any small amount of pain enables the antipain link between our clothes and the blood system. but youtch know that, i like to talk and it’s difficult to stop when i shut off rationality. that’s what i usually do, even though some systems block me just because of that, i enjoy seeing my nlfer fight against other nlfers, i know it’s dangerous, but at least they have fun. it’s bad enough they are not alive, but at least they can fight.
mercurian has he is, he stayed silent. we kept looking at him, but no answers. i thought we had nothing against him, but considering our friendship with y7s, she needed to know we found him.
no answer on the other side, y7s is silent also.
what should we do? i can’t leave a message, or it’s going to be traced also.
maybe she’s with an healthengineer right now. but i don’t have any idea which she chose. maybe i can see on her appointments. there they are. i’m going there right now.
- z3b, you must go with me immediately.
- where are we going?
- ah! now you are talking. too late, my friend, now you are going with me. no more explanations until we arrive
- ok, but we can’t go together. you know we can’t.
- obviously. i follow you. connect to my route and i drive you. when you arrive, i am already there through an alternate route.
i am not there as he expects, but they are together. it’s their problem, let’s see how they can fix it.
where am i going? i am a quiet lfer. a routine is a good routine. everything in order, no stress, it’s time to hear a good sound, let’s see what events are happening around.
no sound, i forgot. the universe has become so full of routines, i am not the only one who likes routines, it’s been years since the last live concert happened. to be honest, to be perfectly honest, i don’t know if i really would like to go there. something’s probably wrong how we live today. are we really alive?
this question was made a few centuries ago.
no one is sure.
there’s no beginning and there’s no explanation for any kind of beginning. we all think about a beginning like something that happens. but the universe never happened. ah, the big bang. what about it? some possible explanation about nothing doing everything. well, yin yang, no more, no less. something about breathing and thinking and believing. GOD. we are always beyond ourselves. or not.
and here i am without no music, no games, i mean, i am still playing 2 games and completing 4 conversations, the question is why. to be true, not even that question is possible. why why?
depressed.
shut down from universal system, i could create a global depression, that’s why the global system disconnected me from the universe. so now i am really alone.
hey! universe, i am not depressed anymore, believe me, from now on i am only talking about good things. no cigars also. just nice talking about good things.
to be true, how could i speak of bad things if they are not possible anymore? wars? do youtch remember wars? they happened all the time and everybody remembers them. killings, for robbery, for jealousy, for something, for nothing, someone passes away. well today considering the number of lives we have available for each body, a partialdead is nothing compared to the dead when there were wars, and people hungry, and so on. it’s difficult to completely die today. and i am surprised how it seems to be not that good. i can’t imagine our ancestors when they thought of that. on the other hand, their thoughts could ramble much more, even more than when i shut off my rationality. here i am reasoning for myself, disconnected from the universe, no one able to go inside my mind. my small thoughts were big enough to leave me on the margin.
- hey, another message from y2s? how could she disrupt the wall made by the universal system?

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THEN11t0210

(if by any chance you missed the beginning of the greatest event of 2011, you can start reading it here, where the first lerrnstory starts)

- of course i hug you. have you already sent a message to the galaxy?
- no, i haven’t sent yet. but you must relax, your stress levels are too high, your helmet is red. you can’t keep that pace. relax for a while. it’s me who’s going to be mother, not you, remember? and it’s not really a problem, i really don’t mind, in fact it’s something i would like to try.
- even on that case, you’re on an illegal experience, don’t forget that. you don’t know if there are other experiences, successful or not, of digital exchange of adn during transaction. you must do a check up under a healthengineer immediately.
- ok, relax, i make the appointment while you send the message to the galaxy.
how amazing life is. the galaxy has replied with 5 million messages. thankfully i am using chaotic systems, otherwise it would be impossible to find the most accurate results. well, to be honest i can’t guarantee the result is the best, it is the best available on the window of opportunity created. and he’s near, after all z3b is not so far away as we were thinking. he’s hidden in x0a house, i only received positive answers from x0a and y3g. only two positive answers and coded only to friends. da vinci, where are you now? where are we going on a coded world?
i am not going to tell y7s i found z3b. at least for a while. she is already scheduling the visit to the healthengineer and i can check this lfer for myself.
- hello x0a. are you alone?
- no, y3g is in here also, and z3b.
z3b took a look from where he was hidden, looking surprised to our friends. obviously he wasn’t expecting they were going to denounce him.
- relax, z3b, it’s x0p, we know him for a long time, it’s you we only know since the recent inner group to play pharmalitics.
- are you sure he is a guardian?
guardians, unguardians, here we are again on that question. i was arrested because of him and now he doubts if i am a guardian. i am no guardian, ok? i could be, but never tried, so i am not. this lfer is evidently different from us. we all in here are able to detect which of us are guardians and which are not. no guardian in this room right now. and yet, he can’t find that. he wants to be with guardians on a place where there aren’t any, but he isn’t also one of them. he must be from another galaxy, or…
- ah! aaahaah! you are mercurian, that’s why i notice differences. and... that means you’re probably toxic to y7s. how could you do that to her?

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